They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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