the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
