After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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