Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
