mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
