you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
