brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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