WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
