oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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