1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
