you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
