i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
