awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
