Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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