When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
