I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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