He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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