If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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