you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
