I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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