I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My legs feel like baby dolphins
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
