We got so high we made milksteak
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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