i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
