You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
