Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
