Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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