Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
