she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
