whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
