I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize