i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
