i was born a porn star she said
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
