Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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