I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
