Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
