the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
