And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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