I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
