sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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