She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
