Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
