what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
