I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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