Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
