Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
