The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
