I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
