Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
