i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
