matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
