The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
