your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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