Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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